Remember

I recall, quite clearly the last time I felt lost, probably a lot more lost than I feel now. It was almost ten years ago-almost to this day actually. I had been given a second chance at life, to do it right. (Okay, who am I kidding, this was like my one-hundredth chance). God gives me lots of chances, because I guess its important that I get it right. The path was there. I saw it clearly. I knew what I needed to do. Then, instead of doing it, I ran the other way and right into my wake-up call.

Jonah had his big blue whale. I had my big huge car crash.

It was past mid-night. I was too tired to drive. I was visiting a friend in Salt Lake City. A friend I met in an unsavory club. He had cooked me dinner that night and we went for a walk in the park with my baby. It wasn't like I was hanging out with the devil himself, just a boy, who didn't have the values I knew I should have had.

He could tell, as I packed my diaper bag and bundled my baby, that I was much too tired to drive. He asked me to stay the night. I knew I couldn't. I knew I shouldn't have been there to begin with and I couldn't stay another minute longer. I didn't make it very far.

I remember seeing the stop light and I remember seeing that it was red, but in my dazed condition I couldn't remember what red meant. Was is go or stop?  I sailed through the State street intersection. Four lanes on each side.I don't know why I remember that the radio was set to classical music, soothing so Ashton could sleep. I vaguely remember seeing the lights of the other car coming right at my window on the drivers' side, and hearing the loud blare of its horn. Then there was impact.

When I opened my eyes only minutes, maybe seconds later, I was laying with my head on the passenger's seat. The driver's side window was completely shattered. I could hear my baby crying hysterically in the back. A good sound, because at least it meant she was alright. I tried frantically to get out of the car, but the door was smashed in too far. I scrambled over to the passenger's side and jumped out. Within seconds, Ashton was in my arms and I was telling her it would all be okay.

A young hispanic boy and his father came up to where I stood next to my smashed car, eyes wide with horror. The man looked into the car and asked where the driver was. He thought I was a bystander, who had come to help the baby in the back. When I told him I was the driver, he couldn't believe it. He wasn't the only one to find it impossible. An ambulance showed up a minute later, and the paramedics asked the same question. They had expected to have to cut the victim out of the vehicle.

The cop who was on the scene motioned to where the driver of the other car stood on the corner. He looked to be a young boy, probably a teenager. He was alright, but very angry about his banged up car.

I felt fortunate to make it through that crash, and completely unscathed. I felt extremely relieved and grateful to Heavenly father for my baby being completley fine.  I felt God had given me another chance to stay on this earth and to be a mother to my child. I saw things in a different light after that.

Writing this, helps me to remember that second chance. Now I have four children and a loving husband. Why has God chosen to bless me so? I am not worthy of it, but I need to do the best I can with what I have been given.

Thank you God, for reminding me of my responsibilites. Thank you Natalie Norton and the Staker family for reminding me of what is truly important in life and the here-after. If only my faith and stead-fast could be like yours.