Primitive Pee-pee pleasures

Peeing outside is one of man's most primitive pleasures.

It is not often that we are able to partake of this little pleasure, but when we can, the result is nothing short of exhilirating.

Some of you might be shaking your heads right now saying, "What? Not me. I'm civilized."

You're lying to yourself as well as to the rest of us.

Think back, maybe way way back, dig deep.

You'll find that memory in there somewhere.

You. Exposed. The fresh outdoor air blowing against your nakedness.

The thrill of knowing that at any moment you could get caught.

All of this mixed with the relief of emptying your bladder.

Its heaven!

This little primitive pleasure is not something many of us are really able to partake of quite so freely in the winter months.

 Matthew was privledged to do just that a couple of nights ago.

It was about 7:00 pm. on a Thursday evening. Nate announced that we all were to take a family trip to the local Rite Aide drug store to buy some kind of fancy new blade for shaving his head.

Being especially tired that evening, I inadvertantly forgot to inforce the 'Everyone pees before we leave' rule.

And guess what? Matthew was doing the pee-pee dance something fierce just as we all walked into the store.

I told Nate that Matthew had to pee. Nate pretended not to hear me. So...I took my son to the clerk at the front and asked if she had a restroom we could use. (Matthew's dance was getting quite intense by this time).

"Oh. Sorry, its broken!" She excalimed happily.

Why this chick was so happy about telling me that their facilities were not functioning, I will never know but she's lucky I didn't wipe that stupid grin off with my fist, I'll tell ya that much.

I marched Matthew back to Nate, told him the situation and suggested that he take him outside to a semi-private spot and let him relieve himself. Nate, being ever so refined and dignified refused to do it. By this time Matthew's pee-pee dance is looking more like convulsions.

"Can he just wait until we get home? it's not that far." Nate asks

"I don't know hon, I'll be surprised if he can wait until we get to aisle three."

"Matthew, can you wait? We're leaving right now?"

Matthew doesn't say anything, just looks up at me with wide, panicked eyes.

"C'mon." I say, And I march him outside, to the far edge of the deserted parking lot where a large bank of snow provides both the perfect cover and target.

Now, Matthew has never peed standing up before, so naturally he needed help. Of course, I'm not familiar with the mechanics of little boys' little units either, and I can now state for the record that its not as easy as it looks!

If you don't point that little thing up enough, the result is dribblets on the front of the pants.(which I learned about that night). On the other hand, if you point the little unit up too far...well you'll get what Matthew got, a urine hair rinse.

Once I got the hang of how the anatomy all worked, we both had a lot of fun. Matthew was delighted at how bright yellow his pee looked against the white snow. I was just happy to see how much pee I wouldn't be cleaning up from the car seat. (And believe me, that was a lot of pee. I think my boy must be part camel). And of course it was exhilirating!

After that little experience, I think I finally understand penis envy.