Do:
give advice when asked
Don't:
give unwelcome advice in the form of critisism at every opportunity
Do:
help out when it is possible or convenient
Don't:
place guilt trips on your child for asking for your help
Do:
call once a week to check in and make sure everything is well with your child
Don't:
call every day and leave angry messages about your child never calling you, then if you don't get a return call within the hour, make a surprise visit to your child's house and demand to know why he/she is not answering his calls.
Do:
Support your child's decisions and encourage her.
Don't:
drag up the poor decisions she's made in the past to prove to her that she is incapable of making good decisions at all.
Do:
Share appropriate information about your health and well being
Don't:
Share information about your sex life with your child! especially the details. Your child does not ever, ever want to know about your level of sexual satisfaction, the last time you had sex, or that her father has erectile dysfunction!
Do:
be understanding about the difficulties involved with being a young adult in this generation
Don't:
Whine about how your parents never babysat for you so you could go out with your spouse, so why should you babysit for your children's children. This does nothing but make you sound like a total ass hole!
Do:
arrange for some one-on-one time to spend with your adult child. Take him out for lunch or take your daughter for a shopping trip together
Don't:
Give gifts and favors in order to assert control over your child's life. Never assume that your child owes you anything but her company in turn for yours. And never try to manipulate your adult child this will inevitably back-fire on you. Don't assume your child is too dumb to know what you're doing!
Please post any questions or comments and I will do my best to answer them.
No kidding! Especially about the sex stuff. I like to pretend parents never have sex EVER! Well Maybe six times to concieve their children, but not anytime after that!
ReplyDeleteNo, I must disagree.
ReplyDeleteWhen your adult "child" asks for advice, she is planning to trick you. You can't win so it doesn't matter if you give it or not.
If you enjoy helping your children, then do. When it isn't fun anymore -stop.
No need to call. If she wants something, she'll call you.
Plan on having a party when she makes a good decision - but don't buy any balloons yet.
NEVER share any information. Especially if she has a blog and a history of reframing whatever she hears.
When she complains about the difficulties of being a young adult "in this generation" try to keep the laughter down a little.
If you feel like spending some one-on-one time with your child, perhaps you should consider a pet instead.