My Ashie is 9!
Nov. 28 2009
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ASHIE!

Our Thanksgiving

We had a perfectly adequate Thanksgiving, thank you.

I suppose I'm a boring synic, but I've never really cared for Thanksgiving! Isn't that ungrateful of me? I've always much preferred the day after Thankgiving day; left over turkey and yams enjoyed in front of the television rather than in front of family.

And since I've been married Thanksgiving usually comes with other stressors like spending it with my husband's family. Don't get me wrong, I love my in-laws, and their food is always very good, I just always somehow find a way to offend at least one of them every time I'm in their company! I blame it on my upbringing. I've always been a highly opinionated girl and my mother encouraged this attribute. "Its good to have a strong mind." She'd say. And I agree with that, however tact would have been a nice lesson to add to that!

This year, however I managed to get through the entire dinner, pie and even the hours of conversation after without someone hating me (or at least not that I know of) by the end of the night. I think I deserve a reward or something...perhaps...SEES CHOCOLATES! I think that's fair.

John Mayer's Battle

John Mayer's new album, Battle Studies, hit stores late last week and of course Nate wasted no time in getting us a copy. And I've wasted no time in listening to the thing obsessively for the last five days while driving the kids around in my oh-so-stylish mini-van! Wow that was a very long run on sentence. Anyhow, I thought I'd critique John's Battle on my blog for all those of you who may think about checking it out and wonder if its worth your time. I'll warn you right now, that yes I'm a very big Mayer fan, as is my husband so my critisism may be a little partial.

John Mayer continues to climb higher and higher, improving his voice and, (as impossible as it may seem) his guitar skills as well! I was impressed by  Room for Squares, but was blown away by Continuum. But I have to admit, I expected a little more...umph from his latest one, especially with the name sounding so ready-to-fight. And his jack-ass image in the media to boot. However, John proves in his Battle Studies album that his softer side always wins out-at least musically. Battle Studies is classic John, soft music, some outstanding guitar instrumentals, a little flare of blues and his sweet sweet croon. I admit that on first listen, I was a little disappointed, I guess I am always expecting him to surprise me and break into something really different. Plus I'm very partial to his more jazzy, blues sound- ie- the John Mayer trio. That being said, after giving the album a few complete listens I actually really love it! From the first "Heart-break" to the "perfectly lonely" middle where things liven up a bit, to the make-up-your-mind-already ending with "Friends, lovers, or Nothing", it appears John's album was a chronical of his very on again off again years with starlett, Jennifer Aniston. That is just my opinion, but one thing is for sure weather its about Jen, or not, its definately full of John's heart and soul and personal feeling and that is exactly what makes John Mayer's Battle so worth it!

Instruction manuel for parents of adult children; A follow-up

Last week I posted a blog about the amount of involvement that is appropriate for a parent and her adult child. This was of course a humorous narrative of my own experience with my mother thinly veiled behind hypothetical characterizations. It was fun, and it was theraputic but i did have one critic, my own brother aka Stark effects.

TO MY ONE CRITIC

I understand that you don't at all understand my relationship with my mother. I would like to emphasize the "my" here to illustrate to you that I actually do have a different mother than you. I am aware that she looks the same and has the same haircut (in fact the same as it was when you were just a little baby), however the dynamics of a relationship between a mother and her male children and the dynamics of a relationship between a mother and her female children are completely different. And in this case much more dysfunctional.

Also I don't really agree with your implication that I am manipulative or that I am some kind of "trickster". There is no real point in even trying to out-manipulate a master-manipulater and that is precisely why I don't try. You have been misinformed if you think otherwise.

It also seems, from your comments, that you believe me to be a narccisist. Because I'm attempting to have a life and identity of my own? Sorry you feel that way.

In a nut shell, you don't know me.
But thanks for playing.

Instructions for parenting the adult child

Parenting is a life-long comitment. You may not like this fact, but it is still a fact. The tricky thing is that the parent-child dynamic changes over the course of one's life and it is sometimes hard for some parents to define the appropriate boundries for the relationship as their child grows to an adult It is for this reason that I have made a list of do's and don'ts for the parent of an adult child. Please feel free to post any comments or questions.

Do:

give advice when asked

Don't:

give unwelcome advice in the form of critisism at every opportunity

Do:

help out when it is possible or convenient

Don't:

place guilt trips on your child for asking for your help

Do:

call once a week to check in and make sure everything is well with your child

Don't:

call every day and leave angry messages about your child never calling you, then if you don't get a return call within the hour, make a surprise visit to your child's house and demand to know why he/she is not answering his calls.

Do:

Support your child's decisions and encourage her.

Don't:

drag up the poor decisions she's made in the past to prove to her that she is incapable of making good decisions at all.

Do:

Share appropriate information about your health and well being

Don't:

Share information about your sex life with your child! especially the details. Your child does not ever, ever want to know about your level of sexual satisfaction, the last time you had sex, or that her father has erectile dysfunction!

Do:

be understanding about the difficulties involved with being a young adult in this generation

Don't:

Whine about how your parents never babysat for you so you could go out with your spouse, so why should you babysit for your children's children. This does nothing but make you sound like a total ass hole!

Do:

arrange for some one-on-one time to spend with your adult child. Take him out for lunch or take your daughter for a shopping trip together

Don't:

Give gifts and favors in order to assert control over your child's life. Never assume that your child owes you anything but her company in turn for yours. And never try to manipulate your adult child this will inevitably back-fire on you. Don't assume your child is too dumb to know what you're doing!

Please post any questions or comments and I will do my best to answer them.

STRESSED To the MAX!

When I look around my new home all I see are unfinished projects, ugly walls, and generally just TONS of work to do! Don't get me wrong, its not that I mind work. I'm not lazy by any means, (and i don't say that to brag, I simply just can't sit still for more than sixty seconds) its just that too many other things, and other people are in my way! I could work all day painting my walls and looking for people to tear down ceiling tiles. There's just a few things that are getting in my way.

1.Children. If I could just send my kids to foster care for a few weeks  then I could get all this done. But it seems you can't ask authorities to take your children, you have to do something to deserve for them to be taken out of your custody.

2. Work. Nate still seems to want to go to work every day, and my part-time job expects me to come in on my scheduled nights as well. This is all very annoying to me. I think buying a house should be treated similar to a death in the family; several weeks of paid time off.

3. Sleep. Being mortal, I still need at least five or six hours of sleep at night. This defect of mine, being mortal, is really putting a damper on how quickly my house gets beautified. Where is that damned Edward when you need him anyway!

4. Money. Or the lack there of to be more accurate. If I were a millionare, I would have paid qualified contracters twice what they're worth in order to get all of this work done. Then again, if I were a millionare I'd probably have bought a bigger, nicer, house and probably a beautifully finished and updated house. And it  would probably be in some place warmer, like California, or some place more exotic, like France!

Okay, so reality is in. So I guess we take this slow and live with less than attractive walls and hideous old lady carpet for a few months while we work steadily between diaper changes and feedings. We'll have to just hope to find friends and family that can spare a Saturday to help us put up drywall in exchange for... chocolate chip cookies. Maybe someone we know will need comunity service hours, but I doubt it. Anyway, one day our house will be cool. One day, far, far away from now I'll look around and see my house, the house we worked so hard on to make the way we want it. Then one day, we'll outgrow our home or we'll have to move to California so Nate can work at Disney land or something and we'll sell our beautiful home that's done just the way we wanted it done. One day, a new family will buy our home and the wife will look around at the walls and carpet while her husband is at work and she will think, "dang, I've really got to something about this house! This carpet is hideous and what were they thinking when they painted these walls this color? I've got so much work to do! I'm stressed to the max!"

Where the wild things are

Wednesday evening Ashton and I were the wild things. Throwing caution to the wind, and the credit card in my purse, we ran away from home and ended up at...the mall.

After a short trip to the "Halloween Bootique" where we joked about mommy dressing as "Pocca-hottie" for trick-or-treating and of course a stop off at See's candies for a sample chocolate we decided to get really crazy and see a movie. Our movie fit our mood for the evening; Where  the wild things are!

This movie has been a little controversial amongst my friends and neighbors, so I was a little reluctant to see it, but then curiosity got the better of me and I am glad it did! I loved it! The cinematography was artistic and nicely done. Acting was phenomenal. Story line magnificent.

Unless you've lived under ground in a bomb shelter for the last four decades you're probably familiar with the classic children's book written by Maurice Sendak. However, unlike the children's book the movie delves deep into the troubled mind of the main character, Max. Max is a young boy of probably nine or ten years old, his parents are divorced, mother works long hours, and his only friend, (who is his older sister), is beginning to spend more and more time away from home with her friends. Max is lonely, he's angry, he's confused and he's sad and it is for this reason that he's acting out in a less than favorable way. After one particular episode of anger Max runs away to a park, and even further in his mind to where the wild things are. In his own imaginary world Max is aquainted with large beasts, each one remarkably resembling one of young Max's own "inner deamons".

I highly recommend "Where the wild things are" for adults and children over eight. This movie explores real emotions in an imaginitive way-kind of like a childs mind, stays true to the integrity of the Newberry medal award winning children's book, and is beautifully crafted.  "Wild things" reminds adults that children also have very real and even dark feelings during times of distress and that a little bit of patience and understanding can go a long way when helping a young child confront and deal with these difficult emotions.

This is a must see!