Melancholy and the ugly monster

When someone very close to you is going through something very hard, the effects of that hardship kind of radiates out to you. Like tentacles of an octapus, it takes hold and pulls you in. Then, before you know it, you're right there beside them, living out their nightmare.

This ugly monster, this octapus with its angry tentacles has been present in my relationship with this friend from the beginning, sometimes loosening its grip, sometimes sliping out of sight completely, giving me false hope that it has gone away when in realtiy its laying just beneath the surface, waiting to rear its ugly head once again.

For a while, I've been able to justify, "Its just a little case of the blues," You say. "It'll get better when this happens, or when this is over." Then, when things don't get better, I blamed myself. "Maybe if I were a better friend." Inevitably the frustration reached its boiling point, pushing all kindness and understanding out the window, leaving only anger, or so I thought. Eventually, the anger, too has subsided revealing the sadness that has, from the beginning been laying right there underneath it all. Now, I must figure out what to do next, how to move on and how I can best help my dear friend. This process will take some time.

In the meantime, I'll take it one day at a time, one moment at a time if I have to. I'll have to insist on having 'the talk' again, my own little intervention of sorts. This time I'm going to be more than persuasive about seeking a professional on this matter. This time, there's an ultimatum, me or the monster.