Our year in review

This year...

Dec. 13 2008

We welcomed Harrison Grant Roane

to our family.

We welcomed Harrison?

We enjoyed our second anual "Fresh from the sewer"

birthday cake,

We escaped certain doom.

We did?

and basked in the glory of our divine nature.

We learned new things...

and improved on the old things,

(or techniques.)

We celebrated in eachother's little victories

(Brooke performes on stage as Hannah Montana)

And shared eachother's little burdons.

There were times when things got a little scary

but...

 by sticking together,

and once in awhile, letting it all hang out...

We eventually were victorious!

And we can honestly say...

that we're better for it.

Life is nothing but a big piece of cake...

 

Dig in!

Have a fabulous New Year!

Santa's not-so-merry Christmas

  Santa totally screwed us this year! Not only did he forget where he hid a couple of Ashton's presents, but he threw the girls' necklaces away with the empty shopping bags, (I had to dig them out of the trash) and left Matthew with a stomache bug, which left Nate and myself cleaning Christmas puke out of the carpet and bed sheets. I think Santa needs to consider a retirement or something because that magical man is really losing his touch!

 Of course not all of Christmas was a total bust. Santa did remember to leave me a box of my favorite chocolates from Sees and a shopping gift card to my favorite store, the Buckle. And Ashton did get her Zhu Zhu pet. But he really should have left a note or something explaining that he couldn't get his hands on any of the Zhu Zhu accessories and the elves couldn't even make enough to supply the demand this year, but that Mommy has direct orders to take Ashton shopping for the accessories as soon as stores have them again.

 Once Matthew stopped vomiting some color once again returning to his cheeks, he really enjoyed what Santa brought for him too. With four new costumes we probably won't see Matthew dressed as himself for quite a while. Brooke, our hardest to please seemed surprisingly pleased with all her loot. Even baby Harrison seemed to enjoy his presents especially his crocodile xylophone.

  The day ended well with a delicious ham dinner at Nate's parents' house and a good old fashioned game of scattergories. Christmas was saved after all, even after Santa played a grinch on us!

Adventures in last minute christmas shopping

         I got Ashton her damned zhu zhu pet after spending the wee hours of the morning in line at Walmart, sandwiched between my mother and the most annoying man in the world. This guy, who's name I never bothered to get, had been the one solitary customer in the zhu zhu line when my mother and I stumbled in at 4:30 am. He had been there, drinking his redbulls, since mid-night. And he was very excited to see real live people for the first time all night.

       After getting lawn chairs out of the sporting goods section for my mother and myself, (really, very thoughtful), he proceeded to tell us both about his love of hunting and camping. He was very disappointed that I wasn't really a camper. He told us for whom he was hoping to get a zhu zhu pet. He told us that his power drinks taste like melted skittles, that he only buys his clothes at wal-mart, what bars he and his friends like to hang out at and a miriaid of stories that may or may not have been true. (I had never met anyone who drove his subaru through a pond ).

     My mom and I tried to be polite and even friendly at first, but when he turned his chair toward mine in order to get closer to our conversations, we were thoroughly annoyed. This presumptuous asshole even nudged my knee with his foot at one point during the wait in order to get my complete attention! One last ditch attempt at not being lonely for Christmas I guess, but a total waste of energy nonetheless.

    When the zhu zhu pets were finally put out, I couldn't be more happy to make my selection and get the heck out of there. Unfortunately, getting rid of my new friend was not so easy. This, the most annoying person in the world, followed my mother and I through the store to the cash registers asking our opinions on other gift ideas.

   Yeah, Merry Christmas now please, go away, douch!

ZHU ZHU Zoo-mania!

Every year there's that one "special toy" that every kid just has to have and every year that one special toy is the one you can't find any where! I swear the stores know what the big hot item is and they purposefully under-order these items just to create a holiday craze! I mean, seriously does someone have to die in the pursuit of a zhu zhu before manufacturers and stores stop creating this insanity?

Anyway, Zhu Zhu pets are the crazy toy item for this year. And I thought Iwas off the hook (since no child of mine had mentioned it).That was until  yesterday when Ashton announced that she wanted one of these little electronic hamsters for christmas and if she didn't get one she'd know just how unloved she was! This is a technique kids have been using on parents since the dawn of time called parental manipulation. This technique has endured for centuries and I'm no stranger to it since I used it shamelessly on my parents when I was a child, and I usually don't give in to this kind of sabatoge but Ashton is the one child I still have to get that one last gift for and she's the difficult one to buy for this year so any clue as to what she wants is going to be heeded. So in short: I'll be standing in line at Walmart in the middle of the night tonight in a pathetic attempt to get Ashy that coveted zhu zhu!

She now owes me big!

A funny little side note on the Zhu Zhu craze: Conan O'brien commented on these little hamsters on his show a few nights ago. He said that You-Tube has an instructional video on how to make your own Zhu Zhu pet with faux fur and a remote control car. Then he said, "Yes this is the perfect way to tell your child, 'mommy and daddy don't really love you.'"
I thought that was quite humorous myself.

I'll have to post an update on the zhu zhu situation. Feel free to leave any helpful tips for me in my comment box.

Twilight every day

Brilliant idea # 2009!
So the other day I dragged Nate to see New Moon with me. (Nate actually liked it, but don't tell him I said so.) After the movie however, I came up with the greatest idea that will be sure to put some spice in anyone's otherwise ordinary life.
What if we all incorporated some Twilight-type vocabulary as well as behaviors into our every day lives? Example: When your husband is leaving for work instead of just saying ' bye have a nice day, I love you' like we normally would, give him a very long passionate kiss like it may be the last time he's ever seen alive and say, "Be careful out there. The only thing I'm scared of is losing you!"
Of course you may want to give him a heads up on your new choice in words before hand just so you don't freak him out.
Then, he can reply with something like, "I've got to go. I've got a vampire to kill."
Life is just so much more exciting when its dramatic.
I actually gave this idea a go the morning after seeing New Moon. I told Nate the idea before hand as suggested so he didn't comit me to the mental institution on the spot. Then, as I was kissing him good bye, I gazed up into his eyes with my best attempt at a dreamy expression and said "You can't leave me, I can't bear life without you."
To that my husband shook his head, chuckled and said, "okay, I've gotta go, you're really weird."
Not the response he was supposed to give.

Last evening as my children and I sat down to a meal of pork chops and mashed potatoes, (yeah I actually cooked, you're welcome family) Ashton decides to make this comment,
"Hey mom, have you ever noticed how skinny the Shadow Valley moms are?"
I'm suddenly feeling guilty about the spoonful of mashed potatoes I just shoved in my mouth. "Yeah, I have Ashton, why do you ask?"
"Oh, I don't know. This one kid's mom is so skinny she looks like a teenager!"
Ok. You can shut up now.
"I bet they never eat any sugar or anything."
I bet they never eat anything but boiled water. "What's the point of this Ash? Are you trying to say I'm not skinny?"
"Well...your butt isn't!"
I just lost my appetite completely.
"Maybe you should buy a tred mill or something."


Cursed gravy.

First Snow fall of the Year

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Matthew rolls in the powder

Ashton makes a perfect angel

Brooke is bundled like a marshmallow

and poor Harrison just wishes he could go out and play too

Rudolph the re-nosed reindeer: puts the 'fun' in dysfunctional

I have a very love-hate relationship with the old cartoon Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer . Of course, as a child I anticipated the TV special every Christmas, but even then something about the animation and story kind of creeped me out. I watched it more out of duty to the seasonal tradition, I think, rather than any real admiration of the cartoon itself.

"Hey its Christmas time...and there's a big 'Special Presentation' notice on the TV screen...and that disembodied male voice excitedly announcing 'Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer'. We have to watch this!"

So there I sat mesmerized in front of the screen as the claymation figures reinacted the story I never liked. I guess its the car wreck affect. You don't really want to see what's going on but you can't take your eyes off it anyhow.

However, I do have a little more appreciation for  Rudolph  now that I am older and have children of my own who seem to, for whatever reason, really like watching it. As in the case of yesterday afternoon when the three of them decided to take a much-needed break from driving me nuts to sit mesmerized by the new and improved DVD version. I was appreciative of the creepy little characters then, but here are a few of my reasons that Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer gives me the heeby-jeebies.

1. Every character seems to have an issue with their eyes that causes them to roll around excessively.(especially the abomindable snowman) Its like they're all posessed by weird cartoon deamons and its just really creepy.

2. Along with a red nose, Rudolph seems to also have a deviated septum or something of the sort because his voice is all nasaly.

3. Rudolph's father also irritates me. He's the classic over-bearing pushy type. I'm aware that in the end he sort of makes it up to Rudolph but not enough penence was done in my opinion. If this were real poor Rudolph would need years of extensive therapy to overcome his issues of feeling like he could never measure up to his father's expectations.

4. Santa isn't fat and Mrs. Clause is a nag! "Eat, Santa, Eat. Whoever heard of a skinny Santa!" She cries as she shoves cookies in his face. Maybe Santa doesn't want to be fat, maybe he wants to set an example of a more healthy and fit Santa Clause. But Mrs. Clause seems to want to sabatoge all of these efforts. Then we wonder why childhood obesity is an epidemic in this country.

5. The elf is ostrasized for wanting to be a dentist. I mean, come on, couldn't they think of something a little more likely. Personally I'd be descriminating against a weird little man who wanted to look in everyone's mouth too. What weirdo dreams of being a dentist unless he has some kind of teeth fetish and then thats really creepy especially in a kids' cartoon.

6. The doll. The doll that Rudolph and the creepy mouth-fetish dentist elf meet in the land of misfit toys really has nothing wrong with her to make her a misfit, at least not at first glance. But then soon you realize that this doll has strange psychological problems. But how would any human know that? The doll doesn't talk to humans. Anyway, besides that its just weird to have a doll with psychological issues in a kids' show. I mean should we really be burdeoning children with the realities of self-doubt and depression? They'll be forced into learning about that one soon enough.

7 The final complaint I have against Rudolph is when the characters defeat the abomindable snowman by hitting him in the nuts! What's worse is you can't even see any "nuts" on the monster. Then, he rolls his eyes all wild-like and falls over. I mean thats just teaching kids to take a cheap-shot!

So, to sum it all up, I really don't like Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer. But, will I put up with afore-mentioned creepiness in order to distract my children from bugging the hell out of each other on cold winter afternoons? You betcha!

Mothers against Christmas Trees!

So like every good little housewife I put my Christmas tree up the day after Thanksgiving. Since then I've decided that I absolutely hate Christmas trees. If I die and meet the man who first came up with the idea to put a decorated pine tree up in your living room for a month and a half (or in the case of my mother-in-law, five months) ,I think I'll talk God into letting him get reincarnated to the body of a pine cone or something so I can kill him. Now before you all think I'm a terrible terrible synic let me assure you that I have some very valid reason for hating the Christmas tree, so hear me out.

1) I spent a very, very long time decorating this fake tree I have up in my living room, and a substantial amount of money too, I might add. I got the finest garland and red-and-white glitter balls Target had to offer. lol. Then spent a dizzying two hours wrapping it around and around the tree. Before this I had to get the tree out of the box and "fluff" it. "Fluffing" the branches is a teidious job. Each branch must be properly stretched and pointed in the right direction or you'll inevitably end up with a gaping hole.

2) I carefully unwrap the nice Hallmark ornaments my mother-in-law gives to all the kids every year and place them on branches evenly spaced as to not make them look too crowded. This year I also decided to wrap giant ribbon around my tree, just to add that extra little spice.

3) fifeteen minutes after finishing the final touches to my almost perfect tree, I walk back into the living room to find half the glitter balls on the floor, and some of them were missing the paint as my eleven-month old baby, Harrison decided to eat them.

4) After talking to some trusted family members Nate and I decide that the paint is probably non-toxic since they were bought last year.

5) We have to then re-decorate the tree, leaving no decorations at the very bottom of it in order to prevent Harrison from eating any more of them. Now my once-almost-perfect Christmas tree looks like its not wearing any pants.

6) Today, I find that my four-year-old boy has been playing with the little ceramic ornaments as if they were action figures. Who can blame him really, our ornaments are in the likeness of Charlie Brown and Frosty the Snowman. It's probably near impossible temptation for a four-year-old. The ornament of his obsession was a Shrek reading a christmas book to his little shrek babies. In short, Shrek's little babies no longer have their cute little ogre ears.

7) When my husband finds out what Matthew has done theres going to be hell to pay. And if my mother-in-law ever found out, which she probably will since my kids have big mouths, she'll be terribly hurt. She'll most likely think that its another example of how I never appreciate anything thus I don't take proper care of them. What am I supposed to do? Build a plexiglass box around the stupid tree? Christmas trees should be sold with such boxes.

Next year I'm going to convert to Judism. A Manora is much easier to deal with!