In the eye of the storm.

I don't know exactly how to approach the topic of my current life changes, I don't know where to begin. So much has happened to our family these last few months. So much has been uprooted and transplanted and even in part destroyed by this raging storm that has subsided a little now, but is still too fresh to fully understand let alone write about. I feel as though I am standing amidst the wreckage that once was home.  That I am taking a mental survey of the damage and the destruction and trying to make sense of how to move forward, how to rebuild and what it is I am rebuilding. However, I do feel the need to address this topic and to open the dialogue for my wonderfully faithful reader-friends. So I'll just start with the basics of updates.

The storm in my metaphor refers to the all-too legal, all too cold and calculated process of divorce. And as with most storms its not just the wind of the legal process that makes a storm a storm, that's really just the kicker. Its the loss of a way of life, of a companion you thought you knew, of the person you thought you were that really pours down on you like flooding rains. Yes, after months of agonizingly hard work, compromise, and soul searching on both parts, my husband and I decided to file the divorce papers and go our separate ways.

That decision took place a couple months ago. The weeks that followed were the 'period of adjustment' as they call it in the divorcing parents course, but what I prefer to call 'hell week' because it more appropriately defines the emotions involved. It was during this time that we all had to settle into our new routines, and our new homes. It was during this time that questions were answered tears shed, reassurances issued out daily, like vitamins. It was during this time that grandparents and aunts and uncles were called in as reinforcements. The kids and I adopted a dog just to add a spark of happiness back into our lives. And I sigh a big sigh of relief that he's turned out to be a good thing. The time we've had the past few weeks is the time we needed to accept what must be. To accept that some storms, like some mistakes are devastating to the very core of a structure.

The divorce is what was needed. The pain is just an aftermath. The fear of the unknown; inevitable. And here is where I stand, uprooted.

I don't usually read magazine articles, but lately I've been doing a lot of things I don't usually do so I figured, why the hell not? What I discovered is an article that touched a deep cord within me. It was written by the fabulously poetic writer, Margaret Roach and it was all about finding peace in your life. In one part of it she said, "uprooting and even breaking apart are sometimes not so bad after all, and just what's called for."

Four weeks ago I wouldn't have agreed with that statement, I would have thrown the magazine and muttered aloud that this writer obviously doesn't know how painful 'uprooting' and 'breaking' is but as with most of life's lessons, this little verse came at just the right time in my life to re-establish the hope of a better life, to bring me a little peace, and to remind me that happiness is a god-given right to us all. This little quote gives me the strength I need to move on, to change and to re-build myself one brick at a time.