All Humans Should Be Hibernating right now.

 My big brother once told me that humans had the same capacity for hibernation that bears do and that we are therefore meant for it. I don't know for sure if he is correct or not, but I've never questioned the logic of Troy because he's one of the smartest people I know. And even if I did question his logic about some things, I wouldn't question it on this particular subject because I rather like the idea. So, I did some research and discovered that bears don't hibernate in the same way that squirrels or hamsters do but that its more like denning or shutting themselves in for the long winter. Squirrels and hamsters however fall into a deep, almost comatose like state that other mammals are not designed for.

 Anyway, the point to all of this is that I want to start a petition, based on the evidence that I've both read about online and learned from my big brother (because those are both scientific methods!) about the human's capacity for hibernation-like sleep, to have a world-wide human hibernation during winter. I propose that we, humans of the world start hibernating New Year's day. (That way we can all enjoy Christmas and drink ourselves into comatose-like states on new year's eve. Plus, the Christmas dinners are the perfect way to stock up on the body fat we need to get us through a long winter's sleep).

I'm practically a genius.

The reason for the proposal? Well, I have plenty. In fact below is a list of the reasons I think humans should hibernate.

awe. don't you want to be cute like him?

Reasons Humans Should Hibernate:

Its too damned cold to be awake

Its dark outside way more than is mentally healthy

There would be no snow-related accidents

We all get crabby in the winter anyway

January and February are extremely depressing and ugly months.

Couldn't we all use a good nap anyway?

bundling up in coats and hats and scarves and gloves is a huge pain in the ass.

No one likes Valentine's day anyway - its stupid.

If any of us don't want to hibernate we should be issued government winter homes in places like Florida

and that would only be good for boosting the economy in those places, right?

I'm sure I'll think of more reasons humans should hibernate and if anyone else thinks of some good ones that I have missed you may leave it in the comment box below. 

Lets start this thing!